Why I Love Vanity Fair

I love Vanity Fair magazine.  It’s sort of like Playboy sans naked.  It has nice pictures of beautiful people (most of them wearing clothes except for Miley Cyrus) but I buy it for the articles.  I get especially excited when it’s a “special issue” that weighs in at about 6 ½ pounds and has a tragic figure on the cover.  This month it’s Marilyn Monroe. (For the love of Pete, can’t we just let this poor woman be dead?) 


Since I often read magazines from back to front (could I be Japanese and not know it?) the first thing I do when I get my VF is go to the Proust Questionnaire.   Guess where it is?  This is my favorite section.  I, along with the 2 million other subscribers, get an intimate glimpse into the psyche of a celebrity.  I mean, who doesn’t want to know if Demi Moore would prefer to be reincarnated as an aspen tree or a drop of rain?   My hand is raised right now, for sure. 


Anyhoo, I thought I’d give this questionnaire business a test drive.  Here goes:


Which living person do you most admire?

I admire life in general, so I’d have to say just about everyone.


What, in your opinion, is the best rock band name of all time and why?

Cowboy Junkies, because it conjures so many confusing images in my brain like people with an unhealthy obsession to Tex Ritter songs or lasso-throwing ranch hands that look like Amy Winehouse.


What is your current state of mind?

Relaxed, but a little hungry.


Who would you most like to stalk if it weren’t so disturbing and illegal?

Joel and Ethan Coen.  I’d love to do that Being-John-Malkovich-mind-portal thing if I could get close enough.  


How would you like to die?

What a stupid fucking question!  I DO NOT want to die. Where did you get that ridiculous notion!


What is your greatest fear?

Death, you dumb ass.  See above.