Deadly? I Think Not!

So…I am guilty of  sloth. 

Personally, I feel there are much bigger sins out there that deserve the mother of all heavenly  fuck-yous.  Sloth, compared to, say, assault with a deadly weapon, should not even be in the sin category if you ask me.   Pistol whipping, running someone over with your car??  Now THAT I understand.

As far the other 6 deadly sins go, I am going to pull the Catholic absolution card even though I’m not a Catholic and fess up to some other stuff so I can promptly be forgiven thus allowing me to go forth and sins some more guilt-free.  Then,  I can do it all over again, and again, and again.  Damn!  Did you Catholics invent the iron maiden AND the hamster wheel?  

Here’s a little tip for the founding fathers of religious dogma:  If the word “deadly” is supposed to deter me from lusting after someone or getting pissed at tourists who stop in the middle of the road to snap pictures of pine trees??  Well….doesn’t work, Padres. 

I mean, I have committed all these sins and I’m still here. 

To further prod fate with a flaming poker, see my irreverence below:

Sloth:  Uh huh.  Said it once already. I’m a lazy bitch when it comes to writing this blog but for the record there is NO guilt involved for failing to keep certain people entertained. You know who you  are.  

Lust:  Pretty much every day.  Could be over a killer pair of Jimmy Choos or just a man named Jimmy who may or may not design shoes.

Pride:  I am proud to say I am a sinner of a profuse and profound nature.

Gluttony:  I have been known to inhale an entire bag of chocolate chips, followed by copious amounts of milk chugged directly from the carton even if I have a sore throat.  They are MY chocolate chips.  It is MY milk.  It is MY house.  You have been warned.

Envy:  I am totally jealous of women who have better shoes than me which is why I strive to have better shoes than anyone else.

Anger:  See lust minus the shoes and/or men named Jimmy.

Greed:  See gluttony.

Happy  now?

Some may argue that my punishment awaits me in he fiery depths of hell. 

Solution:  deathbed confession. 

God, I love Catholics!