My Little Black Book

I wish I could say it had a history of phone numbers of hot guys…maybe with a few “notes” in the margins [wink,wink] but alas, it is just a boring little notebook full of crazy notes.  I carry it so I can jot down things I find funny.  It’s beaten to hell.  That’s because it was the victim of a harrowing attack on my messenger bag by a crazy guy in LA who threw it into the street where it was run over by a Lexus SUV.  My iPad was destroyed but the Little Black Book survived with only minor injuries.  I just write over the tire marks now.

Unfortunately, I have horrifyingly bad penmanship and most of the time I can’t read what I wrote.  I should probably graduate to audio notes that can be spoken directly into my iPhone but I can’t stand to hear the sound of my own voice.

Manual writing it is, then.

But, I have this terribly annoying habit when I’m writing something with a pen.  You know…a pen?  It’s a long thin tool with a tube filled with colorful liquid that always manages to stain the leather of your favorite purse?   It’s an ancient device but beats the chisel and hammer from which I recently graduated.  And, jeez…those stone tablets were just so bloody heavy!

Anyway, I start out writing really nicely. The first few words generally legible but then something happens and suddenly my nicey-nice words become scrawl.  Like some kind of circus act where a chicken is given a pen and it scratches out something akin to letters with its gnarled claw.  It’s a real bummer when searching through my black book for screenplay scene ideas and blog material.

This is what I’ve come up with today.  I’m hoping I can make something of it eventually:

Cowboy Bob, masturbation, thrift shop volunteer  (this one scares me a little)

Midget elephant trainer  (not sure if the trainer is a little person or the elephant is of a miniature variety)

Ask questions, prayer, glass 1/2 full, hair tired w/right past inside glass (whaaaa???)

“I was so excited, your dad had to buy me a muffin just to settle me down”  (not sure who made this quote but it’s a whole sentence I could read and it’s funny)

Remember wet t-shirt (uh…okay…but why?  doesn’t matter..I’ll make something up)