I Heart Fortune Cookies

I wonder if the fortune cookie factories have someone dedicated solely to writing fortunes? Or maybe they just farm it out to work-from-home parents so they don’t have to pay benefits or worry about workmen’s comp and 401Ks.  Personally, I think this would be a pretty cool job.  If I were a fortune cookie writer, I would probably lean toward the one shown here….about the end of the world being “all your fault”?  Not because I’m a jerk [at least not today] but because it’s just plain funny and fun and the world needs more funny and fun, if you ask me.

The other day, I was having lunch at a Chinese restaurant with a friend and he got a fortune that said something like:  “You will experience a medical situation soon”.   This is neither funny nor encouraging which I think is a total rip-off.  Maybe the real fortune cookie writer was off that day or all the work-from-home-fortune-cookie-writers had collective writer’s block and the cookie company was forced to pull in someone from Human Resources.  Whatever the sitch, that fortune should have never made it past QC.

Think about it.  Wouldn’t you rather open a silly little blurb like “Your friends all agree those jeans really do make your ass look big” rather than “You will tumble down a flight of stairs and shred your rotator cuff today”?   After a healthy appetizer of deep-fried spring rolls followed by an oversized plate of sesame chicken, a good laugh could help burn off a few calories until you’re ready to eat again in an hour, right?

That’s my theory, anyway.

Just remember what Confucius said:  “The superior man is modest in his speech..unless he writes a fucking hilarious fortune cookie fortune and then he’s totally buck!”