Arachnids And Fifty Shades of Grey Goose

This is a spider.

It’s floating in a loving prepared, perfectly shaken vodka gimlet…Grey Goose fresh squeezed lime and two drops of triple sec to be exact.

Tragically, this little feller was eight legs up when I noticed him.  Tragically for me, on the other hand, I didn’t have my glasses on and took a big swig before I noticed.

Argh! [as E.L. James so eloquently writes as Christian Grey snatches away Anastasia Steele’s virginity]

I just hate when that happens.  Not getting laid for the first time, you understand….but rather finding a dead spider floating in my cocktail.

I mean, I was like “Double Crap!” [another bit of literary genius frequently employed by Ms. James in that book about handcuffs and shit]

So, now that we’re on the subject of bondage, I just have to throw out my favor-ite passage from Fifty Shades because….well….it kinda relates.

THE BOOK:

Hmmm…I pull him deeper into my mouth so I can feel him at the back of my throat and then to the front again. My tongue swirls around the end. He’s my very own Christian Grey-flavored popsicle.

ME:

Hmmm…I sip the tangy beverage… pulling it deeper into my mouth so I can feel it slide down the back of my throat.  My tongue swirls the tiny bits of lime pulp. It’s my very own…..Argh! Double Crap!….spider-flavored Grey Goose gimlet!

Jeez, Miss Howe! Your “inner goddess is doing the merengue with some salsa moves” as you spring from your chair in utter disgust.