Confessions Of A Magpie: Part 2

MagpieAs I was getting undressed on my way to the security line at LAX the other day, I took notice of something.  Maybe my magpie-ness was taking a down-for-maintenance hiatus like the ObamaCare Web-site. Or it could have been the sound of a woman colliding with a Sees Candy kiosk while sending a text.  It was amazing how many people thought nuts and chews were fair game just because they landed on an airport terminal floor.  Jesus, people! Get your priorities straight!  Didn’t you notice the cans of Toffe-ette rolling toward the escalator?

But I digress as magpies often do.  What I noticed wasn’t the sugar-junkies scrambling for the candy but rather the ones who were filming it.  I had no inclination to film the carnage namely due to the fact that I don’t know how to do it on my “device” formerly known as a cell phone.  I could probably figure it out if I took a few minutes to learn but I have no desire to learn new things.  Besides, I had taken my undressing a little too far and had to put my shirt back on before the device-o-philes got bored with the candy looters and turned their attention my way.

What I’m taking too long to say is this: We have all become magpies. Some, like me, are what I’ll call low-tech magpies. Those limited to the shiny objects that pop up on their HuffPost News feeds…like that picture of Kim Kardashian’s post-baby ass tweet.  And then there are those who transcend even the obvious moniker of hi-tech magpie.  It goes beyond that. They’re the ones who actually provide the content that filters down to the low-rung magpies like me.

I’m undecided if I envy them or fear them.

I suppose that depends on whether my airport strip-tease ended up on YouTube or not.



Bowin in a wiiiinnn…just a taaay in a wiiiinnn….

Yeah, okay, I’m blatantly sharking from Jodie Foster’s performance in Nell but that’s what I feel like when one my electronic devices makes yet another sound I can’t figure out. It’s making my head spin and I’m seeing little blue birdies flying around. [not really. I was just messin’ around with PhotoBooth – one of the few things I’ve learned to use with relative proficiency]

Anyway, back to the issue at hand.  Since device A is trying to communicate with me, I’m going to try and do the same.


[ME to device A]   “Uh….are you telling me about a tree blowing in the wind?  Is that it?  ”

[device A]  two short clicks and a long bell.

[ME to device A]  “Okay, one more time. I didn’t get that. It sounded like chicka-chicka paaaay. Is that…what is that?? I need to “check” something? Or get paaaaaid for something?”

No response. Damn. Device A has shut down. Perhaps I frightened it with my aggressive approach. Where the hell’s Liam Neeson when I need him?

I guess I’ll just have to figure this out for myself. Maybe search for one of those little red dots by the thing that looks like a postage stamp. Thank the gods the symbol looks the same on every device. There could be a clue there. And I can’t forget the Google mail  and that Twitter thing.

Wait a minute…Twitter…blue birdies flying around my head. The Twitter logo is a blue bird, right?

Maybe I’m on to something!