Like this one has.
The reasons are too numerous to mention why this blogger has taken a powder so I’ll spare you the details even though I really, really want to whine and feel sorry for myself and gnash my teeth and maybe even cry but what’s the point? Sometimes life just kicks your ass for shits and grins and leaves you wondering why being a human is so darn hard. Then, somebody really wise reminds me in a gentle way to just shut my fucking pie hole and cut the irritating girlie shit and grow some balls. That person must do a lot of yoga, huh?
Then again, I could just say I had blogger’s block….which is a really lame excuse. I mean, one can actually use blogger’s block as fodder for a blog post. In fact, I think I may have already used my “get outta blogger jail free card” by writing about blogger’s block in a previous post. If not, I hereby reserve the right to use it at a later time. It has no expiration date and won’t go all green and fuzzy like the fruit in my fridge that I buy out of nutritional guilt and allow to slowly rot away in specially designed bins that are supposed to keep fruit from rotting away. Guess I forgot to read the manual. I need to just ‘fess up that I’m not a big fruit eater. All I can say to that is, I hope I don’t get scurvy like those unfortunate pirates and sailors of old. Well, the pirates probably deserved it so I don’t feel bad about them. The sailors, on the other hand, may deserve some sympathy, I supposed. Unless, of course, they were part of some expedition hell-bent on discovering new lands and exterminating indigenous people in the name of the Catholic church.
Back to the subject of my fridge….I think it has actually become some sort of portal into the future. It’s subtle. I can’t quite put my finger on it. I’m discovering things I can’t remember purchasing. Like products that claim “extra fiber” or “added calcium”. Hmmm.
Am I overreacting? Becuase, I often overreact.
It’s just that I don’t want irregularity or osteoporosis and I think my fridge is trying to tell me something.
To be on the safe side, I think I’ll listen. I’m going to choke down that English muffin with extra fiber if it kills me. Although I’ll probably slather on a giant slab of butter to make it go down easier but that shouldn’t affect me one way or another, right?
I must sigh off. I just got an inexplicable hankerin’ for a tall, frosty glass of prune juice. Ahhhhhh!