Lately, I’ve been glued to the news. Never in the history of my life have I been so interested in politics and the economy. Matter of fact, I have chosen to live in blissful ignorance about matters of national finance and who gets elected. In my opinion, it doesn’t matter who gets elected because politicians are all the same. Actually, I still believe that but times are a-changin’ and I better start giving a shit. And now, I do thanks to the folks over at 60 Minutes who, for the past two weeks, have been scaring the piss out of me with their hard hitting segments on the woeful state of our economy. You have my attention.
Two Sundays ago, Hank Paulson was in the 60 Minutes hot seat. Hank is the former chairman of Goldman Sachs and current United States Treasury Secretary who presented his 3 page plan on bailing out our financial institutions. Wow, Hank, you’re one efficient dude! (Must be all those years on Wall Street where details were just so boring and tiresome.) Hank is the former Chairman and CEO of Goldman Sachs. He is worth about $700 bazillion.
Um….Frank…. you are officially out of touch with reality and are hereby disqualified from the Save Our Economy Competition. Off you go. Be sure to collect your lifetime supply of Rice-A-Roni as a parting gift.
Last Sunday, 60 Minutes introduced us English-speaking plebes to an Accountlish phrase most of us had never even heard of: the credit default swap. I’ll leave it up to you folks in web-land to do your own research on that one. Just Google it and you’ll have an afternoon’s worth of info to schlep through.
The last few weeks has brought a heap ‘o finger pointing as the candidates try to hang blame on each other so they can get to the White House and come up with new and exciting ways to torture the average Joe. In fairness to both Republicans and Democrats, this brilliant credit default swap scenario was part of the Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000 signed and sealed by Democratic Pres. Bill Clinton and delivered to him by way of four Republicans and a Democrat. I, for one, am inspired by this truly bi-partisan fuck up. Again, feel free to do your own research on this. It’s truly fascinating!
So, thanks 60 Minutes for scaring me enough to care. I’m grateful to them for opening my eyes and confounding me even more as I struggle to climb out of my “undecided voter” fox hole.
For now, I’ll draw on something my Gramma B used to say in times of indecision: “I don’t know whether to shit or go blind”.
(Disclaimer: in the event that this really was a choice offered to me, I’d take the shitting over going blind. Blindness just seems so extreme, don’t you think?)