A Term Of Endearment?

What’s up with this whole “Cougar” thing?

Where the hell did that term come from?

Is there an equivalent moniker for men over 40 who date younger women?

Like….Typical Man Over 40? 

Is this the updated Helen Reddy version of female “empowerment?”  (God, I fucking HATE that word; not because of the word itself but because it’s been so over-exposed as psychobabble bullshit).

I looked up the lyrics to I Am Woman.

Oh, such insightful verses.

I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin’ arms across the land
But I’m still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand

Okay. I get it. I listened to it on some crackling FM radio station when I was young. I think I may have even liked it but that didn’t keep me from laughing my ass off when I looked it up today and found an ad for liposuction on the same page as the lyrics.  

Yes, we’ve come such a long, long way.

So, back to the Cougar question and what the hell it really means because I’m getting waaaay tired of seeing it everywhere.   

One web-site I found (cougarconvention.com) said Cougar’s are:

 “smart businesswomen, wives and mothers who have earned their stripes”.

K.

Another one was way less attractive but they weren’t selling tickets to a convention in Vegas:

“Typically, cougars prey upon men almost young enough to be their sons”.

Prey upon? 

This description had me laughing even harder because it sounds like this new-age term actually has some significance and deserves an explanation, like, say…..Francophile. 

Here is how my simple brain works:

Older woman wants to bed younger man = doesn’t need a catchword.

Francophile, I get.  

It’s consistent.

It is without contradiction (at least not that I could find).

 It’s someone friendly or interested in all things French.  There are no opposing web-sites that claim Francophiles are actually freaks with an odd fascination with the sex lives of French midget, right? 

Not the case for Cougars.  They are at once predators AND prey. 

Once again, women get the short end of the sexual stick (no pun intended since there are so many wonderful male enhancement products available today which leaves NO room for excuses.)

But The Creator (or whoever runs this crazy asylum) is a comedian because men reach their sexual peak at, like, 12 and women don’t reach it until…well, I guess until they are so desperate for good sex they’ll turn into stalkers or so the web-sites say thus making the business of sex a veritable mosh pit of gender imbalance.  Some will survive; some will be trampled.  But in the end, we’ll all somehow destroy each other.

I wonder if this is what happened to the Mayans?

Nah!  I think they were just shitty farmers.

Okay…since I’m a believer in grassroots change, here are my suggestions to help bring balance to The Great Cougar Debate: 

  1. Ladies, sleep with whoever you want so long as it’s legal.
  2. Avoid assuaging your morning-after guilt by attending a please-validate-me Cougar convention in Vegas.
  3. If you want to cut loose and go all Roman Orgy once in a while, there are discreet places for that (not that I know first hand, of course, but I read a lot…) and no one will write an article about you in the local paper like the one I just read by a young reporter attending a Cougar convention at a dive bar in Santa Cruz.
  4. Try not to make total asses of yourselves by getting drunk and grinding your faces into the crotches of visiting Irish footballers in front of God and everybody at a dive bar in Santa Cruz because it makes you look like an idiots(see above).
  5. Do not Google the word Cougar……

…..unless of course, you’re looking for good blog material.

Next up:   MILF and the Oedipus Complex: A Modern Day Comparison

A Window To My Soul

No, it’s not a man.

It’s Amazon.

As in dot com.

As in they know me better than anyone has a right to which can either make me feel special OR  piss me off depending on my mood.

Today, I’m on the fence as I’m not yet sure what my mood is because I’ve only had 3 cups of coffee. 

Clearly, Amazon wants me to take a hard look at myself which I try to avoid on most days because it’s risky; like putting my face up to a 12X magnifying mirror and realizing that up close, my eye-brows have taken on an Andy Rooney-esque quality and I haven’t even  noticed.  How does this happen?  I’m better off in a state of blissful ignorance.

But no,  Amazon is determined to make me a more well-rounded  individual and who am I to argue?  Jeff Bezos is a genius and I (as stated in previous posts) clearly am not a genius.   And who knows?  I may even learn something a bout myself I didn’t already know which is always helpful. 

To wit:  Amazon’s recent recommendations selected “just for me”:

A Touch of Evil – 50th Anniversary Edition DVD – starring Charleton Heston and Vivien Lee

Okay…I haven’t figured this one out yet but I’m a work in progress so be  patient.

The Extended Phenotype:  The Long Reach of the Gene (by a really smart researcher)

I may or may not have blogged about my gene pool in previous posts.  I’m looking into that.

The Quotable Atheist:  Ammunition for Non-Believers, Political Junkies, Gadflies, and Those Generally Hell-bound

I have to admit that being called a gadfly was a little hurtful.

A Social Critique of the Judgement of Taste:  (by some French guy)

I never thought of myself as judgmental.  This one bugged me because I always thought that the word “judgement” was spelled j-u-d-g-m-e-n-t (no “e”).  At least this is what spell check always told me.  Then I realized that this book was translated from French to English by a British guy and leave it to the British to fuck up a word with unnecessary vowels but, hey, I’m not judging or anything.

And here’s one I totally get:

Losing Itby Valerie Bertinelli

So, the way I see it, Amazon has summed me up this way:

I’m a little sinister because of something that went wonky in my gene pool which probably made me an atheist, really judgmental and dangerously close to madness over weight issues that I didn’t know I had.

Oh, I forgot.  There’s one more.

The End of Faith: Religion, Terror and  the Failure of Reason (by somebody who is obviously a very cheery optimist)

Actually, I am a cheery optimist.  I always try to look at the bright side albeit with a heavy dose of cynicism.  I find cynicism amusing which troubled me a bit….until….  I found the following on a web-site called everything2  dot com:

“A cynic can be optimistically defined as a person who is dedicated to perceiving the truth, no matter how awful or depressing it is. An optimist can be cynically defined as a person who looks for the kind of truth that makes him or her psychologically most healthy”.

“With a cynically optimistic definition of truth, we arrive at the cynical optimist — a person who finds out all the possible ways of looking at the truth, no matter how awful, and then chooses the one which is both plausible and psychologically healthy”.

I feel so much better now.