What’s up with this whole “Cougar” thing?
Where the hell did that term come from?
Is there an equivalent moniker for men over 40 who date younger women?
Like….Typical Man Over 40?
Is this the updated Helen Reddy version of female “empowerment?” (God, I fucking HATE that word; not because of the word itself but because it’s been so over-exposed as psychobabble bullshit).
I looked up the lyrics to I Am Woman.
Oh, such insightful verses.
I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin’ arms across the land
But I’m still an embryo
With a long, long way to go
Until I make my brother understand
Okay. I get it. I listened to it on some crackling FM radio station when I was young. I think I may have even liked it but that didn’t keep me from laughing my ass off when I looked it up today and found an ad for liposuction on the same page as the lyrics.
Yes, we’ve come such a long, long way.
So, back to the Cougar question and what the hell it really means because I’m getting waaaay tired of seeing it everywhere.
One web-site I found (cougarconvention.com) said Cougar’s are:
“smart businesswomen, wives and mothers who have earned their stripes”.
Another one was way less attractive but they weren’t selling tickets to a convention in Vegas:
“Typically, cougars prey upon men almost young enough to be their sons”.
This description had me laughing even harder because it sounds like this new-age term actually has some significance and deserves an explanation, like, say…..Francophile.
Here is how my simple brain works:
Older woman wants to bed younger man = doesn’t need a catchword.
Francophile, I get.
It is without contradiction (at least not that I could find).
It’s someone friendly or interested in all things French. There are no opposing web-sites that claim Francophiles are actually freaks with an odd fascination with the sex lives of French midget, right?
Not the case for Cougars. They are at once predators AND prey.
Once again, women get the short end of the sexual stick (no pun intended since there are so many wonderful male enhancement products available today which leaves NO room for excuses.)
But The Creator (or whoever runs this crazy asylum) is a comedian because men reach their sexual peak at, like, 12 and women don’t reach it until…well, I guess until they are so desperate for good sex they’ll turn into stalkers or so the web-sites say thus making the business of sex a veritable mosh pit of gender imbalance. Some will survive; some will be trampled. But in the end, we’ll all somehow destroy each other.
I wonder if this is what happened to the Mayans?
Nah! I think they were just shitty farmers.
Okay…since I’m a believer in grassroots change, here are my suggestions to help bring balance to The Great Cougar Debate:
- Ladies, sleep with whoever you want so long as it’s legal.
- Avoid assuaging your morning-after guilt by attending a please-validate-me Cougar convention in Vegas.
- If you want to cut loose and go all Roman Orgy once in a while, there are discreet places for that (not that I know first hand, of course, but I read a lot…) and no one will write an article about you in the local paper like the one I just read by a young reporter attending a Cougar convention at a dive bar in Santa Cruz.
- Try not to make total asses of yourselves by getting drunk and grinding your faces into the crotches of visiting Irish footballers in front of God and everybody at a dive bar in Santa Cruz because it makes you look like an idiots(see above).
- Do not Google the word Cougar……
…..unless of course, you’re looking for good blog material.
Next up: MILF and the Oedipus Complex: A Modern Day Comparison