Fish In a Barrel
Take, for example, my confusion about whether worldwide should be one word or two. When I typed it as two words, I got those little squiggly green lines underneath which told me a) I’ve made a grammatical mistake; b) I have a logistics problem i.e, too many spaces between words or c) I’ve made some kind of mistake that I’ll never bloody figure out. Generally, it’s the latter and more often than not, I just accept it. But today, I wasn’t in an accepting mood.
What’s a girl to do?
She says “Gimme summa ‘dat www.dictionary.com” that’s what! And viola! She has her answer: it’s one word.
Therein lies the love.
And herein lies the hate:
Last week I bought a bra from an add I saw on Facebook. What girl can resist an ad that says it’s the most comfortable bra you’ll ever own? Naturally, I fell for it!
More bra ads flowed in, followed by ads for shapers to contain my muffin top, followed by a virtually endless feed of ads for something called a cellulite fighting Fascia Blaster for $130.00. It looks like a diabolical device made up of shit I can find in my garage.
How did those bastards know I had cellulite? I mean, I’ve covered up my laptop camera with a Sponge Bob Band-Aid, for fuck sake!
Wait…is Sponge Bob one word or two? Please hold while I consult my adored jailer.
[Cue the show tunes Musak]
Ha! This is a new one! It’s one word that looks like two words mushed together: SpongeBob.
What I’m trying to say here, my fellow digital inmates, is that we are all just fish in a barrel waiting to be shot by the silver bullet of a savvy marketing campaign created by a twelve-year-old savant or a rudimentary Facebook ad pasted together by the feeble minded.
But the feeble minded must confess for she is me, I’m afraid.
Alas, my fellow fishies. I am torn by my feuding emotions as I am guilty of exploitation. I have fallen victim to the very practices that haunt thee: the targeted Facebook ad.
Forgive me for I have sinned against you…
I have become both the fish and the gun.
P.S. I will report back on whether that cellulite thingy actually works.