Kaleidoscope of Death

I almost hate to use that term since I cherished kaleidoscopes when I was a kid.  They should never be associated with something so seemingly macabre. It’s like Killer Puppies or Zombie Butterflies.  It just does not compute on any level.

But name-call I must because there’s no other way to describe what’s happening on my computer right now.  It’s devastating to watch because my little MacBook Air is my lifeline, my best friend forever, my constant companion and partner in life [okay that sounds creepy in a Her kind of way, but you know what I mean] and I’m watching Her (sorry) slowly fade away.

The Kaleidoscope of Death tells me so.  It taunts me every day now like a colorful harbinger of the doom to come.

It’s so hard to reconcile that perfect, mesmerizing wheel of color, so benign yet so evil. How can it be?  It’s like if there really were Zombie Butterflies flitting about on gossamer wings from flower to flower, hypnotizing you into their web of quasi trust… until WHAMO… they crack your head open and devour your brain.

I’m sure the Kaleidoscope of Death won’t jump off the computer screen to terrorize me. It can do that without leaving the comfort of it’s digital home. Kind of like a Russian hacker who can destroy your credit while sitting in his basement in his Underoos slurping Borscht.

No, the KOD [for those who love acronyms like I do] hacks in plain sight.

What happens when I want to open an attachment?


How about trying to open a website?


I’d like to TKO that fucking KOD and I’d do it ASAP if I could ever get F2F with it!

But alas, that will never be because the KOD is just another one of those digital thorns in my side reminding me I’m a techno-loser and always will be.  I’m sure I’ve brought it on myself somehow by having too much crap on my computer or not shutting it down property or failing to hit the “eject disk” before yanking the memory stick out of its warm, comfy port.

I’ll miss my little MacBook Air. I love Her so much despite Her flaws of too little memory. [Or is it called storage?)  Not enough battery life [Or have I done something to cause that, too?] and Her inability to be upgraded. [Have I made Her feel inadequate in some way?]

I pause to contemplate. 

An epiphany hits.

Could I be looking at this the wrong way? After all, the kaleidoscope is a beloved childhood toy.

Perhaps it’s just Her time and the Kaleidoscope of Death is easing me into the thought of having to give Her up…allowing me a Long Goodbye to get Her affairs in order.

Yes!  Yes, that’s it! Maybe the KOD isn’t evil after all! Maybe it’s a blessing disguised as a curse. Rather than one sudden, final Goodnight Irene hard drive meltdown that could throw me into an emotional wasteland of grief, it’s gradually preparing me for the end.

Do not fear Small Fry! Your brother Big iMac and I will give you a fitting farewell.   A New Orleans Jazz procession?  Viking funeral? Balinese cremation?

I think I’ll just keep you open in the corner of my office next to a wooden statue of Buddha…incense burning, offerings of fruit and strands of flowers lain across your darkened keyboard.

Thank you, Kaleidoscope of Death!

I’m sorry for wanting to punch you.

Then again…could I still be wrong?….Oh, the agony!!]

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