Dude! Where’s my personal space?

Not to play the crybaby here, but I’ve spent a lot of time in hospital waiting areas. It is less than pleasant for obvious reasons but I’m pretty stoic. My stiff upper lip can make the average Brit look like a blubbering amateur.

I have a routine. It goes something like this:

Put on game face. I have a killer game face. I can make a linebacker cry…I shit you negative.

Gather all my devices, paperwork, shit I gotta finish up on the fly. Everything I can stuff into my rolling office.

Pep talk for the respective patient as long as he/she isn’t getting an I.V. (see #3 below for a more detailed explanation)

Find a quiet spot where no one can bother me or see my game face crack whereby giving aforementioned linebacker a chance to can call me a sissy. Preferably, the quiet spot has electricity to keep my devices on life support.

Oh, wait.  I forgot. There are no quiet spots in a patient waiting area.

Here are a few useful facts to know if you’re planning a fun family gathering at your local medical facility:

The Jerry Springer Show will be playing on a television that’s beyond the arm’s reach of a short girl and a nowhere-to-be-found remote control.

People who either a) insist on using speaker phone or b) people who have no idea they’re on speaker phone.

And then…that well-meaning volunteer who approaches you about giving blood. Don’t get me wrong! I’m a blood-donor advocate and I’d glad give if I didn’t faint dead away at the very thought of it. It’s the achilles heel that can put a gnarly fever blister on my stiff upper lip. It’s the only thing that can bring me to my knees. That…and someone getting an I.V.

And lastly, that not-so-well-meaning, oblivious individual who insists on humming, singing, or playing YouTube videos on his/her cell phone at a decibel level considered dangerous by OSHA who then follows you as you flee toward a more tranquil corner.

OBLIVIOUS INDIVIDUAL: “Say, it’s a lot quieter over here, isn’t it? I think you’re on to somethin’. You ever see the video of the singin’ cats from Uzbekistan? They’re a hoot! Here, let me turn it up for ya.”

Um…no, thank you. I have an appointment to give blood.


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