My Little Black Book
I wish I could say it had a history of phone numbers of hot guys…maybe with a few “notes” in the margins [wink,wink] but alas, it is just a boring little notebook full of crazy notes. I carry it so I can jot down things I find funny. It’s beaten to hell. That’s because it was the victim of a harrowing attack on my messenger bag by a crazy guy in LA who threw it into the street where it was run over by a Lexus SUV. My iPad was destroyed but the Little Black Book survived with only minor injuries. I just write over the tire marks now.
Unfortunately, I have horrifyingly bad penmanship and most of the time I can’t read what I wrote. I should probably graduate to audio notes that can be spoken directly into my iPhone but I can’t stand to hear the sound of my own voice.
Manual writing it is, then.
But, I have this terribly annoying habit when I’m writing something with a pen. You know…a pen? It’s a long thin tool with a tube filled with colorful liquid that always manages to stain the leather of your favorite purse? It’s an ancient device but beats the chisel and hammer from which I recently graduated. And, jeez…those stone tablets were just so bloody heavy!
Anyway, I start out writing really nicely. The first few words generally legible but then something happens and suddenly my nicey-nice words become scrawl. Like some kind of circus act where a chicken is given a pen and it scratches out something akin to letters with its gnarled claw. It’s a real bummer when searching through my black book for screenplay scene ideas and blog material.
This is what I’ve come up with today. I’m hoping I can make something of it eventually:
Cowboy Bob, masturbation, thrift shop volunteer (this one scares me a little)
Midget elephant trainer (not sure if the trainer is a little person or the elephant is of a miniature variety)
Ask questions, prayer, glass 1/2 full, hair tired w/right past inside glass (whaaaa???)
“I was so excited, your dad had to buy me a muffin just to settle me down” (not sure who made this quote but it’s a whole sentence I could read and it’s funny)
Remember wet t-shirt (uh…okay…but why? doesn’t matter..I’ll make something up)