Deadly? I Think Not!

So…I am guilty of  sloth. 

Personally, I feel there are much bigger sins out there that deserve the mother of all heavenly  fuck-yous.  Sloth, compared to, say, assault with a deadly weapon, should not even be in the sin category if you ask me.   Pistol whipping, running someone over with your car??  Now THAT I understand.

As far the other 6 deadly sins go, I am going to pull the Catholic absolution card even though I’m not a Catholic and fess up to some other stuff so I can promptly be forgiven thus allowing me to go forth and sins some more guilt-free.  Then,  I can do it all over again, and again, and again.  Damn!  Did you Catholics invent the iron maiden AND the hamster wheel?  

Here’s a little tip for the founding fathers of religious dogma:  If the word “deadly” is supposed to deter me from lusting after someone or getting pissed at tourists who stop in the middle of the road to snap pictures of pine trees??  Well….doesn’t work, Padres. 

I mean, I have committed all these sins and I’m still here. 

To further prod fate with a flaming poker, see my irreverence below:

Sloth:  Uh huh.  Said it once already. I’m a lazy bitch when it comes to writing this blog but for the record there is NO guilt involved for failing to keep certain people entertained. You know who you  are.  

Lust:  Pretty much every day.  Could be over a killer pair of Jimmy Choos or just a man named Jimmy who may or may not design shoes.

Pride:  I am proud to say I am a sinner of a profuse and profound nature.

Gluttony:  I have been known to inhale an entire bag of chocolate chips, followed by copious amounts of milk chugged directly from the carton even if I have a sore throat.  They are MY chocolate chips.  It is MY milk.  It is MY house.  You have been warned.

Envy:  I am totally jealous of women who have better shoes than me which is why I strive to have better shoes than anyone else.

Anger:  See lust minus the shoes and/or men named Jimmy.

Greed:  See gluttony.

Happy  now?

Some may argue that my punishment awaits me in he fiery depths of hell. 

Solution:  deathbed confession. 

God, I love Catholics!

 

Subscribe
Notify of
guest
7 Comments
Oldest
Newest
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Linda
Linda
November 1, 2009 3:41 pm

Julie, I would never pistol whip you. Remember that I told you that I knew you were a busy lady, but I do appreciate your quick response. You must know that there is very little difference between the sloths in the midwest and those on the left coast. SLOTH – I am a very lazy bitch..I just don’t have a blog to write. I just love reading yours. LUST – Make it a new Sashiko or ellegante (embroidery and serger sewing machines by Baby Lock) – don’t care abount any guy named Jimmy PRIDE – I have no pride…I will… Read more »

Linda
Linda
November 1, 2009 7:55 pm

The Sashiko dude makes millions of bucks off of suckers like me that do not have a life. I was NEVER able to escape the 5 o’clock news where they always give us the mold and allergy count – therefore I must also pay big bucks for the allergy medicine.
Soooooo – you my Julie are the lucky one that will be lovingly harassed from afar.

As for me writing my own blog….you must be kidding…see opening line above.

Dan
Dan
November 3, 2009 1:51 am

The above blog is why I married into a Catholic Family my dear sis. We can go out on Saturday Night, after Church of course, and then have all week to sloth, lust after the hot chicks as they kneel, be envious, angry, greedy, take pride in our gluttony and don’t forget getting in a day of sitting around on our fat asses in a duck blind toasting a good day’s limit and still make it back home in time for Church to begin a new. Damn, being Catholic is hard work.

Dom
Dom
November 4, 2009 4:29 pm

Um er Catholics can’t burn all of them! We tried.
Look into Judaism, 1 day of atonement, much better.
Islam is great, how many people read this?
Or the big spaghetti monster, I believe as long as you don’t forget the cheese, you are forgiven.
Guilt who needs it, I am typing this from the cockpit, and this flight is taking a long time…..wait someone is calling me..

Joanie
Joanie
November 6, 2009 9:03 pm

Linda is right, she has no pride! Of course I don’t either. Ha
As for me, another typical Midwestern girl, I enjoy all the above while drinking Chocolate Soy milk and eating potato chips with cream cheese.
I also wear my cool new heals for short periods of time and enjoy every painful minute! Thanks Julie!