When Toddlers Go To Prison
It can be lonely for a bloke like me in the “yard”. Sometimes I just pace back and forth, thinking, dreaming of the outside….planning.
And one day it came to me. It was brilliant. So utterly simple…and right under my own nose.
I just took these sticks, see? And I slid ’em into the lock and jammed it, see? And at 7 pm lights out, I pushed the door open, grabbed a spare Pampers and made a run for it.
But not before ‘Ole Eagle Eye spotted me. But I was prepared. ‘Ole Eagle Eye was a sucker for the sweet stuff. And I had the sweet stuff in spades, see?
But that tough old bird had me dead to rights, I’ll give him that much. My back was against the wall. When things got a little dicey, I had to give ‘Ole Eagle Eye a bit ‘o toddler what-for.
Then I went straight for the heavy artillery. A right hook to the sweet tooth and he was putty in my hands. I walked outta that big stone lonesome and never looked back.
But it ain’t easy for a tod like me; always on the run.
Takin’ odd jobs to survive.
Always lookin’ over my shoulder.
But you see, it’s worth it ‘cuz I’m innocent. As innocent as they come and life is good for me now. Sometimes I wonder about the tods I left behind but they’ll find their way just like I did.
And what about ‘Ole Eagle Eye and his ilk?
I got just one thing to say to those grizzled old birds.
So long suckers!