Dead Santa

On a recent trip back to my homeland, The Midwest, I noticed a growing trend toward really cheesy holiday decorations in the form of giant, plastic blow-up lawn ornaments; what my sister-in-law dubbed “Get Her Done” red-neck holiday décor.


laundry-on-the-lawn1When these petroleum-based masterpieces are not inflated by their tiny life-giving respirators, they lay about the frozen landscape like piles of laundry.    I just assumed that the mounds were a result of a domestic dispute.  You know, a “Here’s all your shit, asshole. Now get the fuck out” kind of altercation which kinda bummed me out.  After all, ‘tis the season to be jolly and spread the joy and can’t we all just get along and kiss under the mistletoe and eat cookies.   I was wrong.   Sometimes it’s a burden being so cynical. I have considered therapy.


But I digress. 


I have to admit that I was oddly obsessed with these plastic creations.  Fascinated is probably a better word.  There were so many.  And they were everywhere! I wondered if there was some sort of competition going on that might result in prize money or a trip to Dollywood or something equally tantalizing.   I never did find out so I judged for myself.  Here are the results:


dead-santa4Honorable mention has to go to:  Dead Santa.  Or maybe he’s a hopelessly drunk Santa. I can’t really be sure.  Either way, it’s kind of metaphoric, wouldn’t you say?  Maybe it’s just me. 







But the Grand Prize, The Palm d’Or, The Jury Prize Extraordinaire, goes to Outhouse Santa. 


I would love to meet the schmuck who designed this beauty.  


Santa, sitting in an outhouse reading, how festive! This is NOT a joke.  It really is an outhouse, albeit a jolly ‘ole outhouse complete with candy cane embellishments and a lit-from-below toilet seat.


 Any guesses on the publication? 


I’m thinking Hustler.


P.S.  Special thanks to my sister, Joanie, for conjuring Allen Funt.

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December 19, 2008 8:51 pm

This is great…
Hey kids, lets all get in the minivan and head on down to “The Wal-Mart” and get us a blow up Santy…Cuz nothing says redneck like a blow up Santy….get er’ dun

December 20, 2008 4:01 am

Looks like parts around here. I often wonder what it looks like inside. Could be scary.

December 20, 2008 6:17 am

God you took the observation right out of my mouth — I drove by a house with FIVE of them, including Santa in a helicopter on the roof. What are they thinking?

December 21, 2008 12:19 am

I think Dear St. Nick has an old Sears catalog. It’s his sitting position that makes me ‘ass’ume this.

December 21, 2008 6:24 am

Outhouse Santy is hilarious.

I wonder if the homeowner modded something to make it look like this or they bought him like that.

December 23, 2008 1:36 am

I wonder if Santa squeezes the Charmin? I also wonder if those Johnny-on-the-spot cleanout guys have stopped by yet? Oh Lord I am thinking like those people!

January 11, 2009 5:26 am

It’s January 10 and there are still yards with deflated Santas and snowmen in them. You gotta love Illinois and it’s simple Folk!