Do Not Attempt

I’m into safety as much as the next guy but sometimes I wonder why so much time and money is spent on trying to save me from myself.  I never thought I was particularly  dangerous but maybe there’s been a paradigm shift in the universe that has put me on a collision course with some unknown force of nature that will eventually destroy me unless I’m warned about…I don’t know…. the  dangers of synchronized driving  with 20 identical compact cars on a closed  course.  They must think I’m a moron. I don’t even KNOW that many people with the same car as mine. 


And another thing; I would never, I mean never, wear a gorgeous red evening gown while crushing an old washer and dryer with a steamroller.  So, advertising guys, no need for the DO NOT ATTEMPT warning at the bottom of my T.V. screen.  I think I know enough to put on a pair of 501s for a job that big, okay?  Jeez, this is getting tiresome!


Last week, I walked into my spin class ready for an hour of torture by an 85 pound woman whose perkiness makes me want to commit a felony holding my personal cooling device (also known as a cheap plastic fan) under my arm only to be greeted with an odd safety question by one of my fellow spinners:


“Is that a helmet?” she asked. 


I forgive you, Kord.  

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November 22, 2008 11:57 am

You should have said “yes.”

Sharon Matthams
Sharon Matthams
November 23, 2008 7:17 pm

Observing Safety Helmet laws is not a laughing matter young lady!
Or maybe it is. You are HILARIOUS.