A Streak-Free Shine

I am angry and exhausted and my fingerprints have been worn away by incessant banging on a keyboard. I have given up hope that my banging will somehow yield a miracle explanation for our financial crisis from this contraption called a laptop with which I have developed an increasingly creepy symbiotic relationship.  Those who know me have come to understand that I’m a rabid opponent of sub-prime mortgages (don’t get me started).  People have actually started backing away from he at parties so I’m going to shut up and talk fluff which keeps my blood pressure in a reasonably safe zone.


Today’s subject:  Windex. 


This is a cautionary tale about the risks of household products. 


The other day, I rushed home from an exercise class to freshen up before meeting a friend for dinner.  Since I sweat like a farm animal, I thought it wise to at least – as my Gramma B used to say – “wash the smelly parts” as not to offend my friend.    In a frenzied hurry, I reached under my vanity and grabbed the Wet Ones to give myself a once-over.  But something went terribly wrong.  Wet Ones are used on babies, right?  They’re gentle and soothing, right?  Uh…. what the hell??  Whatever I was using was neither gentle nor soothing but harsh and stingy…. like that chemical peel I had on my face last year that made the top layer of my face melt away; the one that kept me homebound for 5 days lest I scare small children and animals. 


I rushed back to my vanity and much to my horror; I realized that I had grabbed the Windex handy wipes.  The ones I use to wipe the dog slobber off my windows.  The packaging was identical to the Wet Ones packaging.  You know, the flat rectangular foil-like package with the easy-open, peel away top?  Now, I realize that this isn’t in the same league as that dreadful Heparin/Hep-Lock hospital scare, but I’m here to tell you that there is nothing on the human body that requires a streak-free shine so I urge each and every one of you out there to read the package before you peel. 


Better yet, a quick shower is much safer… unless of course, you don’t have a slip-free surface on your shower pan.

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