Move Over Elsie…. Mama’s Home!

The other day I went into a bit of a panic.  I started to worry about running out of things to write about.  I have some really dedicated friends to whom I pay big money to actually read what I write and make positive comments and I really don’t want to disappoint anyone. I think it may actually be a tax write-off as well so I would be bummed if people started to bail on me.    The panic has passed, thankfully, with the help of a little Ativan and my own newly discovered method of gathering information.  Rather than try to come up with something original, I just turn on the news. How divinely simple.

 

This morning, when I was flipping around different news channels to get a variety of perspectives on our impending doom as a nation, I saw an announcement that went something like this on the ticker at the bottom of the screen:

 

People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has called upon the founders of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream to replace cow’s milk with that of human breast milk.

 

Well, now.  That’s a novel idea.

 

I started asking myself questions:  How many lactating women would it take to replace all that cow’s milk?  Would women have to leave their homes (not to mention their own hungry babies) and sign some sort of “milking contract?”  Or maybe Monsanto could just come up with a way to inject massive amounts of hormones into thousands and thousands of lactating mommies to make them produce twice as much milk in half the time while passing it off as safe.  Sounds reasonable to me.

 

Wonder what they’ll call the stuff.

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Jen
Jen
September 27, 2008 5:30 am

You kill me, you really do…

irby
irby
September 27, 2008 11:35 pm

There goes that fertile mind again…

(did we agree on $200 per comment?)

irby
irby
September 27, 2008 11:37 pm

P.S. Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me. Happy Birthday happy birthday…….

How old did I say I was? 8?

Julie
Julie
September 28, 2008 3:30 am

Irbs, you drive a hard bargain!!

I think you’re a little off on the age thing. You’re 12, remember?? Happy, happy, day you spring chicken!

Sharon Matthams
Sharon Matthams
September 29, 2008 1:55 pm

ouch, freshly squeezed?

Julie
Julie
September 29, 2008 5:45 pm

With or without pulp?? From concentrate?? Makes me sore just thinkin’ about it.

Sara Jane
Sara Jane
October 6, 2008 12:28 am

I saw this on a hip Canadian talk show, but didn’t have time to hear the whole thing, so I too went to the PETA web site to check out what was going on. Let me tell you, people are right pissed about this. Tree hugging, whale loving, wheat grass drinking hippies are going off on PETA. The possibility that they would suggest women be treated as inhumanily as a cow, how dare they. You should check out some of the comments. They are pretty funny. Now, I thought to myself, it would be pretty cool if I could send… Read more »

Sara Jane
Sara Jane
October 6, 2008 12:30 am

Oh, and do you realize how much that the ice cream would cost? People were selling human milk on e-bay at $40/oz. I realized that I had $5000 worth of milk in my deep freeze at one point. Ben and Jerry’s would have to sell it for $400 a pint. Hey, how much do people pay to drink “coffee” that is really shit from an animal that eats coffee beans. Come on, now that’s gross!