[ Bio ]

I'm a little camera shy.
So, as the shirt says, I was born in the year of the Ox. I would have preferred Horse or Tiger which are way cooler as far as animals go but instead, I got the beast of burden door prize in the cosmic crap shoot.

I really am patient....for the most part....except when I'm not. I do my best to instill confidence in others when I can. One time when I was on an airliner that lost both engines and we started to ditch in the South China Sea, I reminded everyone on the plane about that safety video that said our seat cushion could be used as a floatation device in case of a water landing. I think they believed me.

I am neat and punctual and I work hard even though it's probably futile like writing a screenplay that will more than likely never see the light of day. Oh...and I'm honest except when lying is better.

Given my numerous marital "situations" I like to think of it as always being really, really popular. That would fit into the "ideal mates" character trait, right? I look at it like this; if you're ideal at something, you should offer it up time and time again. You know, spread the love, share the joy, be all that you can be with as many mates as you can.

Here's what the shirt doesn't tell you (which makes sense as I probably wouldn't have bought it): Ox people are eccentric and anger easily. In other words, keep your paws off my tiny-spoons-from-every-state collection or you'll find yourself with a few less digits.

Lastly, Oxen are notoriously stubborn. Okay, that makes sense. Most of the oxen I've ever seen have one of those gnarly metal rings through their snotty noses. I do not find this attractive or practical so piercing of any kind is out of the question.

There you have it; me in a nutshell, me in 30 words or less on the back of a t-shirt and I didn't even have to put on eye-liner!

(Brilliant, art-house portrait brought to you by Kean Matthams)